A Bump in the Road

Well, we were nearing the first game of the season. Thursday's practice was intense and a pretty solid one all around. We were scrimmaging, running our offense...and in the blink of an eye, my high school basketball career went from awesome to over.  I had come down for a jump stop and my knee just gave out, the pop was loud as I fell to the ground.  From the moment I heard the pop I knew that I was most likely done for. That feeling, that thought...is something I can't even explain. It was the worst feeling I've ever felt, I just remember yelling and crying, "How could this be happening?" "No." "No!" my teammates were over in the corner saying a prayer for me. The feeling in the gym was numb.  They helped me into Dujuan's office (Our athletic trainer at SCHS) and he performed some tests on me to see if he could tell what happened.  He thought that it might be a partial ACL tear. Which wasn't what I wanted to hear. There were so many things running through my head, but one thing was for certain...I needed to call upon my heavenly father. So I asked my coaches for a blessing, and they gave it to me right there in the training room. From that moment on I knew that whatever the outcome was that it would be the Lords will, and that even if I didn't understand at that moment why, he had a plan in store for me.  My dad picked me up and we drove to the hospital, where we'd have a doctor look at it.  The whole ride over I couldn't help but cry hysterically, thinking that I might never get to play with my basketball team again. Or my softball team for that matter.  My dad wouldn't say anything.  I think he was in shock and just didn't know how to handle the situation. The doctor was really nice, he performed the lochman's test on both knees. And it was apparent that my left knee had a lot more give than my right.  Which isn't a good sign.  He backed up on his wheely chair. Took a deep breath, and paused.  I knew. I knew what he was thinking, and what he was about to say. I just started shaking my head. I didn't want the words to come out.  I didn't want it to be true.  I looked at my dad and we both just started crying. I tried to hold back the tears, but when you find out that your senior year of sports is going to be cut short by 2 season, 6 months, it's really hard to do that. Basketball had been consuming my thoughts ever since soccer got over. He told us that he hopes he's wrong, but it's not likely. So we drove home, my dad held my hand and continued to tell me it would be okay.  I got home and just fell to the ground in tears.  How could this happen? I still had a little hope that the doctor was wrong and the MRI would tell a different story.  The next day I got and MRI around 3, and got a call from my dad around 6.  It was my dad, calling to confirm my worst fear.  The MRI had shown a torn ACL and Meniscus.  I was with my friend Kacey driving home from a mission call opening, so I was holding back the tears as best as I could...she was so comforting to me for the time being though. As soon as I got out of the car, my emotions broke loose. Basketball had been consuming my thoughts ever since soccer got over. Senior year, it's when you are at your peak...your highest level of play. I was so excited, for the lights to go out, for the music to play, and for them to call my name for the starting line-up..."At a guard, senior, number 3...Autumnnnn Shipppp." To run through my teammates and hi-five them along the way. My move was coming along so perfectly, there was no way the refs were going to call travel on me this year, I was going to get lay-up after lay-up.  I was just about to order my new shoes. the 2012 hyperdunks, all black with a forest green accent. The crowd, the emotion, coach Jensen yelling at me to rebound, Coach Matua telling me I was Dwayne Wade in a girls body, calling me lock down, and expecting me to lockdown their main offensive players, all the fastbreak layups, all the funny comments Grace would make at the free throw line, all the clutch 3's, the great defense, the big steals, the huffing and puffing at time-outs, the crazy half-time speeches, the post game butt kickin from my dad if i didn't play well, the butterflies, the way we'd joke with eachother out on the court, the way we'd pick eachother up, everything...it was all being ripped right from me. Do you know what it's like to have something you love so much, something that you were going to be so successful in, something that you were going to make a million memories with...just taken away from you? It's crazy to me, how much we take the game for granted. I just wanted another chance to play, another chance to go out on that court, run my guts out, and give it all I had...one last time. But that chance would never come. My highschool career was over. It was something I couldn't take the thought of.  Since the beginning of the year I've been dreading the day I would play my final highschool game, I thought it would come during the playoffs or state-championship of softball. And eventually we'd all have to face our last game, and learn what it's like to miss it. But I guess I just have to start missing it a little earlier than the rest.  Maybe I'm being over dramatic, and maybe you're thinking it's really not that big of a deal. Yeah, sports aren't my entire life...but man, they are sure ALOT of it. You never realize how much you love something till it's gone I guess. But one thing is for certain, I was one lucky girl to be able to have such a successful sports career before my injury. A handful of little league softball state-championships, border-league championships, too many club soccer medals to count, and 2 high school  state championships that I wouldn't trade the world for.  The memories I had with my teammates and coaches are one's that I will treasure forever, and always keep close to my heart. I don't have any regrets. Because I feel like i pushed myself and was giving it my all, all the time. But if I could go back, I'd do it all with a smile on my face, because I could, becuase I had the legs and the health to do it. I wouldn't have complained about runnning ladders, I wouldn't have complained about having a softball tournament on the weekend and having to miss out on something for it. I would do anything to listen to my coach say "GET ON THE BASELINE," one more time, so that I could run sprint after sprint after sprint with my teammates. I think about the times when i thought i was tired, and I thought I couldn't go any further. And now I look at my teammates, and I listen to them talking about how they are so tired and soar. But they aren't tired...they just think they are. They aren't soar either. They just feel that way. I want them to be able to understand that they can't let those little things interfer with their play, becuase it won't last forever. I just wish they could see it the way I see it...now. That night, I got down on my knees...which let me tell ya, WASN'T VERY COMFORTBALE! But I knelt as best as I could, and thanked my heavenly father. For everything I had been given and blessed with, and had been able to be a part of and succeed in.  I thanked him for giving me this trial, and I asked him to help me through it.  I have never said a more sincere prayer I don't think.  I figured I could choose to take 1 of the 2 approaches. I could either blame it on him, and ask 'why me?' or I could trust in his plan, and ask for help and guidance.  The second option seemed like the best one;) My parents came in my room and we just held each other and cried.  I could tell they were trying so hard to comfort me and know what to say, but it's just hard cause in that situation there isn't much that can be said to stop the hurt ya know? Megan came over and we just cried in my bed together, it was so hard for me to see people other than myself hurting like that.  But the thought thought that me and her would never play basketball together again was one that cut us both pretty deep. I guess those are things I should just try not to think about, or they'll drive ya crazy.We were joking with eachother, "Who's gonna cry with me about being in foul trouble and sitting on the bench together." "Who's gonna make fun of the refs with me and make snyde remarks?" those are the little things I'll miss about being out there. I slept with my dad on the couch that night, I went to bed hoping that I'd wake up and it would've all just been a bad dream. But morning came, and I went to move my leg...It wasn't a dream, it was real.  I had been getting so much support, tweets, texts, calls visits, I was reminded of how many people love me and care about me...I'm seriously so blessed with such amazing friends, family, teammates, coaches, and even complete strangers who I've somehow come to know through this.  It has meant so much to me, that they have been so kind and sweet! It would be close to unbearable if I didn't have the constant pick-me-up from the people around me! My coach and teammates were so good to me, I don't know what I would've done those first couple of days without without their support and love. I know that I'm still going to be a big part of the team, but not in the way I would've initially like.  I hope that I can be a motivation to those girls, give them something more to play for. I hope I can make them realize that you gotta play like it's your last play EVERY PLAY. becuase truth is, you never know when it might in fact be your final play. I know it'll be hard watching them out there on the court, but I have a feeling that I will be more of a contributor than ever this year, I don't know how or when...but I know that things happen for a reason, and Heavenly father wouldn't put me in this position if he didn't think I could handle it and make the best of it. When I lay in bed at night and think that no one could possibly understand how I feel, I'm reminded that he once suffered through it for me...and that gives me strength. Sometimes it's hard to pretend like it's easy...becuase it's far from it, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?