One Inning

Its been a good while since I've written about ol' Kneena (that's what i named my knee), I'm coming up on about 5 months here soon since my surgery. It has been such a suprise to me but so cool at the same time how many people have mentioned my blog to me. They say they've read my story, and are so amazed with how i'm handling it all. I just wanna say, thanks for all the kind comments and all the wonderful support. All's i can say is i've tried to do my best throughout this whole thing, but I've definitely had my moments with it. And there are people out there that are dealing with or have already had to go through much harder things and have handled them far beyond what i could ever imagine. Part of me wonders if this is why it happened. Maybe someone out there, someone struggling with problems and issues of their own, needed to hear what i had to say. Not just about my expereience but trials in general. I have had texts and phone calls from people i don't even know, people from other states, telling me thank you for inspiration to keep going. I just can't help but wonder, if it's for those people, that I was put through this trial. But even if it isn't, that in itself is justification enough for me! But anyways, on with my story. So the last time i played in a game was senior night for basketball, which i talked about in a past post. Not anything against that moment, because it was most memorable, but i kinda felt like a charity case;) i mean, i had to hobble up the court and the other team didn't even play defense on me. So this time around was a little different. Last night was senior night for softball and we played Dixie who is fighting for a spot in playoffs so it was a big game. And i'm about 2 weeks out from being 100% (at least i hope) so i wasn't such a charity case this time. I was told by my coaches i'd play one pitch in the field, be taken out, then have one at bat. I started in center field, then got to leadoff the game on the offensive end. I got in the on deck circle while their pitcher was warming up, i was just trying to shake out the nerves and get my timing down. This would be the first time i'd face a live pitcher in a game like situation in like EVER. so yeah, i was a wee bit nervous. As soon as i stepped in the box, it just felt natural. I felt like i had never left it in the first place. My dad told me to just jog it out on my way to first and not go too hard. (I still have not worked up to a full sprint) I was just praying for a base hit. The first pitch was a ball. I guess my pitch selection was still pretty dece because i didn't swing haha. The second pitch came and as i ran through the box i just made contact and off i went. It was a solid hit. I saw it going towards the second baseman and thought "well...crap man." then i saw it go through her, so i turned on the turbo and rounded first, and thought "Sick, double!" then i saw it go in the gap so i thought, "Heck, why not make it a tripple, go hard or go home right?" meanwhile, I'm running faster than i have for a very very long time, completely ignoring the base coaches telling me to hold up and solw down, it must have been the adrenaline. And coincidentally every time i hit each bag it was with my left leg. whoops. So anyway....heading to third, freakin stoked on life cause i just hit a triple my first at bat of the season, then the outfielder over threw and i just took off for home as fast as i could, i could hear everyone "DONT SLIDE" it might've crossed my mind....haha but i just ran on in and hit home plate. and boy, it was all tears from there. I don't know what it was, I just started bawling. Did that seriously just happen? All my teammates came out of the dugout and gave a sister some love. It was a really good feeling. Even though it was an in the parker, i was so happy. For the first time in a really long time, i felt like i was back where i belong. I've waited far too long to run the bases like that again, and i'm probably going to regret it cause the second i stepped in the dugout Kneena was just throbbing, but drastic times call for drastic measures right? I just felt like a player again, not just a spectator. Everyone was crying, like...everyone. and i felt stupid, but ya know what that tells me? that tells me that i got a whole lotta folks and teammates out there who care about me, and want me to be successful. To know all those people are happy for you and have your back, is a really good thing to know. I really am so blessed. The whole night i had friends and family telling me how proud they were, and they will never know how much i appreciate them and what it means to me. I cant wait till it's not just a one inning, one at bat thing. I am still in the in between stage where its probably okay to play, but it probably really isn't type thing. I still have a hard time with lateral movement, jumping, running and quick starts quick stops...but I've been working really hard at bridge (basically advanced physical therapy) and hope to be where i need to be within the next couple of weeks. All i want is my legs back, so i can just run and run and run and steal and run and run some more, faster than i ever have before. I'm not going to say for sure, because that is just stressful...I just know that when i feel comfortable and ready, i will play. But trust me, i want nothing more that to be on that field 100% May 16,17, and 18. I've had my sights set on for quite some time as you can imagine, and i would be really upset if it didn't happen.

you can watch it right here:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jTaOyIEhxM

try to ignore the hitch in my step....

Life as of Late

Sooo I've learned a lot about life the past month or so.  I've learned that no matter how great you think your problems are, there is always someone out there with much more serious problems.  I feel like I had hit the lowest of all lows in my life, that nothing could possibly get any worse. Then I realized something. I'm Autumn Shipp. I'm an athlete. I'm a competitor. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. I'm a friend. I'm as tough as they get. I don't give up. I don't fear. I don't let anything get in the way of my goals. People are watching me, either looking up to me or waiting for my head to fall.  I don't like losing. Never have and never will. It's just something that I won't accept. Losing. Backing down. Yeah, this is a challenge. And yeah, I'm gonna come out on top. It could be so much worse. There are people out there that are dealing with so much more, and handling it so much better than I am. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't still hard. But it has definitely become a little easier. You see, I have this scar now... about 3 inches, it runs vertically down the center of my knee. It signifies so much to me. I run my fingers along that scar, and instantly it reminds me of everything. Some of it is hard for me to think about, but it makes me stronger. I think about the moment it happened, the feelings that were felt. The emotion. I think about how I had to lean on my Savior and Heavenly Father when I felt so alone. I think about how I'm at physical therapy trying to lift my leg a couple inches off the ground, while my teammates are at practice running and jumping. I think about how this has shaped me. How it's been a roller coaster. I think about my testimony that I've gained through it.  I think about hard things, and how i can do hard things. It gives me something to tell my teammates, to motivate them. Nowadays, all I care about is giving them something to play for, something to fight for...helping them to see the game, the way that I see it NOW. Now it's the lucky scar, and they all have to rub it before a game.  Honestly though, even though somedays I'm just a reck, even thought I can't think too much about how it used to be, and how it still should be, even though I cry sometimes and get frustrated with it all. I am so genuinely happy. I love life. I love the position I am in. I'm so happy with my teams progress. I have began to understand that once you have something taken away from you, something that consumes so much of your time and so much of your life (sports for me) you are forced to realize the little things, ALL the other things about life that you've neglected to love all along the way.  I've learned that it is so important to smile. To let people know that you are happy. To look people in the eyes when you talk to them, to call them by name. To compliment, and befriend people around you. To be someone they can count on, someone they know they can go to with anything. The more you look for the good in others, the more you end up finding yourself.  Physical therapy is going SO good, my therapist is the bomb, his name is Ron, and he's such a good guy. He pushes me and he expects a lot out of me, which is good, because I expect a lot out of myself too. Nothing is more gratifying and fullfilling than seeing progresss. I walk outta that place and I just feel on top of the world. No matter how hard things get, no matter how much there is to cry and be sad about, there's always something to smile about.